


sleepless

by mylifeissocoollike



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, jily, jily au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 01:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10629600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeissocoollike/pseuds/mylifeissocoollike
Summary: After they breakup, Lily realizes that she can’t sleep without James.





	

Four days after she and James broke up, Lily realized that she couldn’t sleep anymore.

At first, she had been so angry and upset that she would crawl into bed and cry until she fell asleep. As the anger ebbed though she was left feeling hollow and tired. She couldn’t cry anymore. She wouldn’t.

But she also couldn’t sleep anymore. She realized it on the fourth night, as she stared at the ceiling of her room, faintly lit by the streetlamps outside. James had once yanked open the curtains to let the faint light shine a little brighter so he could make ridiculous dog shaped shadow puppets for her. He had crawled back into bed that night slightly colder from being beside the window, but Lily hadn’t cared. She pressed gentle kisses against his neck and pulled him close.

“You’re a dork,” she had murmured. Now, she shook her head as she stared at the ceiling and told herself that the feeling would pass.

On the fifth night, she tossed and turned as she tried to find a comfortable place. Was the bed larger? Why were the blankets so tangled? _It’s just emptier_ , she told herself as she thought of James’ lanky form that had always hogged all the space. She had complained about it just a week ago.

“You’re too large, you steal all the blankets without even trying,” she said.

“Good thing you’re so tiny, you barely need any.” He had winked at her but slid closer so he could tuck more blankets around her. Lily had fallen asleep quickly that night, his warm arm draped around her waist was a comfort that she hadn’t realized until now how much she needed.

The sixth night was the worst. She cried again. She thought she had been done with tears. But in her tossing and turning the faintest scent of James had wafted from his pillow and she felt like she’d been kicked in the chest.

How had she been so foolish to let a little fight drive them apart? Why had she told him to leave? Why hadn’t he come back to her yet? She missed waking up to him running his hands along her side. She missed making waffles with him in nothing but their underwear. She missed kissing him goodbye at the entrance to their building as they both went in separate directions for work. She missed laughing at him as he made ridiculous jokes over dinner. She missed living with him.

She wasn’t _living_ without him.

On the seventh night, Lily tried her hardest and yet she still tossed and turned. The lack of sleep had started to wear her down and she wondered if maybe, maybe she could just sleep with James one more time. Just to calm her down and get some rest. Would he do it? _He’s too angry with me_ , she thought.

Lily knew he had moved back down the hall with Sirius but she hadn’t seen him at all since their fight. She tried talking to Sirius about it but he’d just shook his head at her.

“I’m not getting in the middle of this mess you wankers have created,” he’d said before promptly retreating into his flat.

Lily worried her lip and wondered if she should go over there. If James would accept her, or if the door would be slammed in her face. She’d never know if she didn’t try.

She got out of bed and wondered for a moment if she should change. But if all she wanted was sleep, showing up in her pajamas would be fitting wouldn’t it?

All she didn’t want was sleep of course. She knew that as she made her way from her room. But she told herself that was what she would be content with if that was all she got. If James agreed to sleep with her, to hold her, just one more time and then never be with her again, maybe it would give her the closure she needed. Anyway, she just wanted James to be happy. To have what he wanted. Even if it wasn’t her.

She took a deep breath and opened the door to her flat.

And there he was.

James’ fist was half raised, as if he were about to halfheartedly knock on her door. He was wearing only his favorite pair of pajama pants, and his hair was rumpled.

“I, uh, I couldn’t sleep,” he said.

Lily couldn’t help herself. She started laughing. There she had been, thinking she was suffering alone and James was going through it too. He had shown up at her door, _their door_ , for the same reason she was about to go to Sirius’. They needed each other. They had been foolish to think they could function without each other.

When she saw the confused expression on James’ face, she grabbed his hand, pulled him inside and locked the door behind him. They stood there, staring at each other in the flat that was lit only by moonlight. He tentatively cupped her face. Lily felt the past days of tiredness hit her then. She felt with that one gentle touch she could finally just sleep. But she had something to say first.

“James,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, I-“

“Lily,” he cut her off and she could see the corners of his lips start to tug up in a small smile. “Are you really going to argue with me over how we apologize for arguing?”

She laughed then and drew him nearer to her. They stared at each other for a moment before they kissed. As one hand drifted to the nape of her neck and his other wrapped around her waist, she knew they would be ok.

Lily led him back to the bedroom. They got under the covers and she didn’t complain about him taking up space. It felt like the bed was finally as it was meant to be. He whispered jokes to her and she slowly drifted to sleep with a smile on her face.

James and Lily never had trouble falling asleep again.

**Author's Note:**

> @swearwolflupin on tumblr


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